What My One And Only Relationship Has Taught Me


Yes, you read right. I’ve only ever been in one relationship. And that’s still the relationship i’m in now.

I’m 23 years old and for some, the fact that i’ve only had one relationship is mind-blowing.

‘Wow! Weren’t you lonely for all those years?’

Yes, and no. I mean, sure I did feel alone some days, especially in my late teens — when all of my friends were happy and in love.

I thought maybe something was wrong with me. I look back and realise how silly I sounded back then, but being 18 and alone had it’s tough times. And it’s good times.

‘So, wait…you really haven’t had a boyfriend until now?’

Yup. I don’t really count the tinder messages that led to no-where. Or the five dates I had with a guy who ended up ghosting me on Valentines Day.

Yeah, that really happened.

My late teens involved nights out with friends, thinking I would meet someone at a club, but just meeting a bunch of people I saw once and then never again.

Anyway, I have never had a relationship until this one. And I was 21 when I met him.

‘I don’t know if I could only have one relationship, I would need to be with more than one person to know what’s right for me…’

That’s great, you do you.

Everyone has their own personal preference and that’s cool. I just don’t have the same one as you might.

I am totally in love now and it’s amazing. That being said, I don’t ever wish I had more experience with love — I am learning as I go and to be honest, (not that I want to jinx anything here, Universe), I can’t see this relationship not lasting forever.

That’s what I’m hoping for anyway. What most of us hope for.

I have learnt a lot from my relationship, especially it being my first and at quite a later age than most:

When you’re not looking, it just happens…

I do believe this to be true, for me anyway. I spent 2 years on tinder talking to lots of different guys and going no-where.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I had been on a couple of dates with someone, before, as mentioned, and they left with no explanation.

I then decided to stop looking. I deleted all my apps and went about my single business. I didn’t feel like I needed someone anymore. So, I stopped trying.

And then, a few weeks later. I got set up with my now-boyfriend and the rest is history and all that…
It may not be the case for some and that’s ok — but for me, the minute I stopped looking, I learnt more about myself and then it all just happened.

You don’t always need someone to love you in order to feel worthy.

Having gone through quite a lot of tough times in my late teens, I never felt truly worthy.

I thought all of this would change when I had a boyfriend. That they would love me unconditionally and it would suddenly make me feel 100% worthy.

Well, kid… it just doesn’t happen like that.

I was a little naive to think this. But i’ve learnt from it. I’ve learnt that someone else can’t make me feel worthy if I don’t feel worthy myself.

I’m happy to say i’m working on it, and I finally see myself as worthy of love. It just took me a while to figure out that I was the one who needed to learn to feel worthy first.

Relationships can help you to learn more about yourself than when you were alone.

Through our ups and downs, i’ve learnt so much about how I deal and react to things.

I always said I would never be the ‘jealous’ type. Yet, I once had to admit going down his phone to check the text messages he had sent to a friend, who was a girl…

I had become that person. The person I swore I would never be. However, you learn, and you grow…

I have grown so much and so has he. I know how to leave the room when we have an argument so that I can calm down. I know when he is sad or stressed, without saying a word. I know when I am sad or stressed and I don’t have to say a word. He knows too.

Relationships are funny things. For so long I wished for one.

Years spent thinking I would never find a boyfriend and end up alone with fifty cats (I can still see the fifty cats thing happening…).

I used to think so little of myself back then, and relationships won’t always change that.

You have to help yourself too, which is what I did.

So, yes… I’m 23 years old and in my first relationship. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Comments

  1. Ah, I love this post! I didn't start dating until late teens and early 20s as well and there were definitely days when I felt lonely and unattractive because all my girlfriends would be out dating and hooking up with guys.

    I absolutely love the lesson that love comes when you least expect it... I seriously thought people don't believe that! I had my share of online dating and actively looking and it just led me to shit guys, haha. I wasn't actively looking to date when Dan came into my life but it all worked out for the best :) I do miss my years of being alone sometimes and being my own person definitely made me stronger and more confident.

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    1. I am so glad you love it and can relate! I think it's much more common than I used to think - finding love a bit later on. It is so true, it comes when you least expect it! I am so happy you are happy and have found love with someone else and also yourself! x

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  2. Good for you! Being in a relationship isn't something that should define who you are. You define who you are. I had friends who dated much more than I did, but I never felt lonely. I filled my time with the people, events and hobbies that I enjoyed.

    Being in a relationship is hard, as you mentioned. There are insecurities that comes with letting someone into your life. I love your honesty.

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I am really glad you enjoyed this post and thank you for reading. I agree with you so much, a relationship does not define you! :)

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  3. I've only been on three real dates in my lifetime and I'm about to be twenty-two in a few months, I'm content with being single at this moment, sometimes in order to be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy by yourself first. I absolutely loved this post!

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